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<title>1995: Cambridge Underground report</title>
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<center><font size=-1>Cambridge Underground 1996 pp 22-25</font>
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<h2>Austria 1995</h2>
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<h3>by Steve Bellhouse</h3></center>
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<p>"In July," etc, etc.
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<p>Yep, we went to Austria again. This is the second Expo report of the
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journal. If you've read the first one thoroughly, you're probably getting
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bored of the endless tales of rainy day festering by now. Well, sorry but
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there's more. But don't give up yet, because Expo 95 was different, for two
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reasons.
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<p>Firstly there was the trailer. We'll say no more about that now, as
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there's a suitably dour description of the misery it caused
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<a href="bbr.htm">elsewhere in this esteemed publication.</a> Secondly, we
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discovered some cave that would accommodate Yapate and Mississippi side by
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side, and still leave space for MarkF and Kate to stroll down the middle
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without their lardy buttocks even touching. Its big.
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<p>However, before you get to the exciting stuff, you're going to have to
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read the usual torrid tales of festering, fuckwittedness and the
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occasional bit of TU.
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<p>Given my usual technique of ignoring problems until they go away, the
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organisation went surprisingly well. My opening gambit at the Sports
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Council interview, "We were going to wear suits, but there's been a
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bit of an error", will go down in history as something not to do, but
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even this failed to cause a major disaster. So I disappeared to the Alps
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after the alternative dinner and left Anthony to sort out all the stuff
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that was bound to go wrong in the last few days.
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<p>It wasn't long later that Anthony and Nick first laid eyes on <i>THE
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TRAILER</i>. It probably wasn't dark and stormy, and there probably
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wasn't an intangible aura of dread in the air, but there should have been.
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However, instead of spraying it with silver bullets and driving stakes
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through its rotten axles, they decided to change the indicator bulb and,
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satisfied the thing was now legal, they attempted to tow it for a thousand
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miles, blissfully unaware of its evil nature. This, however, is (a small
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part of) another story. Suffice to say they got there eventually, and Expo
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was ready to go.
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<p>Once Base Camp had been established, the laborious carries up to Top
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Camp began. Paul exhibited the technical expertise one would expect from
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a historian by politely inquiring if the yellow charger was to be taken up
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to top camp. With great patience, it was pointed out to him that power
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sockets on the plateau were far from abundant, and an Expo fuckwit was born.
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<p>The day soon arrived when some caving appeared to be inevitable. They
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set off to rig France and take a look at some of the many good leads left
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in '94. However, they arrived in the area of France entrance to find a
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large featureless snowfield, due to unseasonal snowfall in May. Much
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digging ensued over the next couple of days, accompanied by even more
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muttering and grumbling, but the entrance did not appear.
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<p>Animal appeared not long later and was deemed to have the necessary
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knowledge of main entrance to rig in and show team youth the way to some
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leads. Although the question marks were a bit scrotty, they eventually
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led to some worthwhile finds. The "Doubting Thomas" series
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descended 100m down tight rifts from Dreaming of Limo chamber. Also found
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was the "Oral" series, encompassing, amongst others,
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"Throat" and "tonsils" pitches. It remains a mystery
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why cavers developed such an obsession with head-and-throat anatomy whilst
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spending a month in the field.
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<p>Meanwhile some snow had melted and some cunning navigation and frantic
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digging had revealed France entrance. The first rigging trip was aborted
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as Dave Johnson, a novice from ULCC, got strung up in the entrance. The
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second trip was more successful, and cavers swarmed into Algeria to grab
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the best leads. A new pitch into Twin Tubs was named
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<a href="../../smkridge/161/sidefr.htm#dazauto">Daz Automatic</a>, and a
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hole in the floor in Hob Nob Passage dropped into a promising 3m wide
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passage, which unfortunately choked after 100m. This was named
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<a href="../../smkridge/161/offffr.htm#pisspot">'Piss Pot'</a>
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as both Kate and Dunks sprinkled their scent around in the passageway.
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<p>Then it was time for the dinner, so the plateau was left deserted for
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an evening of song and laughter. Prizes for outstanding achievements in
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various fields were generously given and graciously received, and Kate
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refused point blank to attempt eleven Mohr im Hemds.
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<p>We were all terribly surprised when the radios failed to work.
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However, our disappointment was reduced as the Base Camp aerial did at
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least provide amusement as people hung various items of (other people's)
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clothing from it's higher reaches, and Julian sawed up a scaffolding pole
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to create a serviceable drill battery. Armed with this, Julian and I
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took the two Daves off to France to hopefully get to the bottom of
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<a href="../../smkridge/161/france.htm#sultans">Sultans of Swing</a>, having
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got off halfway down the pitch last year and found fat wads of cave. Julian
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was fully kitted up and ready to duck out of the sweltering sunshine and into
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the cool entrance, when he realised the drill-bit was sitting back at Base
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Camp. So of he went back down, to return the next day, whilst Dave squared
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went to push some crappy lead and I went 'prospecting'.
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<p>Around this time we were joined by Balázs Izapy, a Hungarian who
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had played a big part in organising our post-expo jaunt to Eastern Europe.
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At first we thought he looked a bit clean for a proper caver, but then we
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noticed his 1 litre tin mug dangling from his rucksack, and surmised
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that he was in fact the genuine article. After one trip down France, he
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conceded that the shafts were impressive, but generally concluded that our
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cave was cold, wet, miserable and completely devoid of pretties. He spent
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the rest of the time prospecting with Kate, who was the only person he
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could communicate with. This communication problem made it difficult for
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us to explain to him that his favourite spot on the plateau, where he
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would sit and write his memoirs, was in fact the toilet. All in all, I
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think we came off best from our little exchange trip.
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<p>Sultans was finally bottomed at 320m, and the new battery proved to be
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remarkably effective, capable of drilling twenty-odd holes from one
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charge, and only being very heavy rather than utterly ridiculously heavy
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like some of the previous attempts.
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<p>Back at base camp, we cooked chicken on the fire, drank Gösser
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and festered lots. It was getting to the stage of Expo when everyone was
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knackered and lethargy ruled. A combination of the dodgy connector on the
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CCMC stove and Julian's usual over-exuberant pumping nearly burnt the
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beer tent down, which provided an exciting moment as the rhino ran around
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base camp with the stove, a five foot tower of flame bursting up from it.
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Subsequent efforts to fix the stove resulted in Paul spreading a tin of
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Hammerite over the grass, leaving a nice blue patch for years to come.
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His subsequent efforts to clean up with bog roll met with limited success,
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turning his hands blue and achieving little else. We laughed at him a bit
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and drank some more beer.
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<p>Wookey and Andy Atkinson arrived for the latter part of the expedition,
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and soon afterwards went on the trip to end all trips. All lethargy about
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repeated KH trips was soon to disappear after the finds of the last week
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of the expedition. Going down France, they first checked out
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<a href="../../smkridge/161/fbland.htm#forbidden">"The
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Forbidden Land"</a>, a truly appalling bit of cave at the end of
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Mississippi. This was the southern most part of Kaninchenhöhle and
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therefore worth a look. A tiny, muddy, wet thrutch came out at the bottom
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of an utterly desperate boulder-choke. Traversing this carefully, they
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found themselves in a huge rift running in the NNE/SSW direction. One
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wall was collapsed and the floor was strewn with huge boulders. At this
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point they heard a horrible rumbling noise from the hole they had just
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crawled through, and hurried back. Fortunately only a couple of rocks had
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fallen and they weren't trapped, but all present declared this the scaredest
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they had ever been and vowed never to return.
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<p>However, the stuff they had found had been huge, and was also in the
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direction of Stellerweg. They decided there must be another way in, and
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went looking...
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<p>... and they soon found a trivial traverse over an undescended pitch,
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which led to a <a href="../../smkridge/161/frtotp.htm">nasty squeeze</a>.
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Pushing the 3m passage they found in both directions, Wookey found a 5m
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draughty choke climb which led into a totally huge space now named
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"Staud'nwirt Palace" after our base camp Gasthof. From this led a windy, 10m
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wide passage containing bat droppings. Another entrance nearby perhaps?
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Following the breeze led to an even wider passage, "Triassic Park". Around
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20m wide in places, this was all becoming a bit too much, so they surveyed
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out and returned gloating to Top Camp, making the less experienced members
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feel a little stupid that all this cave had been found down a lead that
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should really have been explored the year before but which hadn't even been
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included on the survey.
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<p>The next trip another 350m were surveyed and the passage was still left
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going strong. The survey data put us close to the side of the hill. If a new
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entrance could be found, we could effectively leave our SRT gear at home for
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the next expedition! Faced with this exciting prospect, a team went into
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France to try to find 161d from the inside. They went downwind, following the
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bat droppings, and went through a couple of ridiculous squeezes with gale
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force winds blowing through them (one named "Battle of the Bulge"). They
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found a skull, and some moths, and moments later they found daylight.
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<a href="../../smkridge/161/sftotp.htm#161d">161d</a> was promptly named
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Scarface due to a recent rockfall from the cliff above.
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<p>The only drawback was that the route back to Top Camp can only be
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described as bloody tedious, involving vertical bunde-bashing and scary
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climbing which, whilst okay during the day, would be desperate in the dark
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after a long trip. Possibilities of a new Top Camp have been mentioned, but
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it appears this would cause problems with the Austrian authorities. However,
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with some hard work to beat a trail, it is likely that we could get
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reasonable access to Scarface one way or another. To give some idea of
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the scale of the finds, in the last 9 days of the expedition we found
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and surveyed 1500m of cave, and there are 72 new question on the 1996 list.
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[<i>The northern end of Triassic Park ends at a junction -
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<a href="../../smkridge/161/triasp.htm#trifurc">'Trifurcation'</a>
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- from which one branch leads to a 10m climb in need of a bolt ('Bugger')
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at the top of which a similar sized continuation can be seen. Another
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branch - 'Minoan Surprise' - is sitting on top of Knossos. Flippant Editorial
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Remarks Inc. regard neglecting to mention this as something of an
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oversight on the part of the author. Ed.</i>]
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<p>Just as everyone got keen again, it was time to derig and leave.
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Anthony and I were surprisingly efficient, using our pulleys to haul gear
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out of France. Main entrance was also derigged with a minimum of fuss.
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Striking Top Camp proved a bit more bothersome, as I managed to convince
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myself that a large pile of shit up there could be brought down in three
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carries, and so told folk they didn't need to go back up the hill. Once
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our legs had seized up, Andy returned and told us that I had been
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completely and utterly wrong, so Anthony and I ran back up the hill in
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the dark.
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<p>Then Expo was over. Anthony, Kate, Dunks, Wook, Tess and Andy all
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headed off to Hungary and some stunningly pretty caves, but that's another
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story. All that remained of Expo was the writing of reports and the
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drawing of surveys. Oh yes, and a hat full of meaningless statistics
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derived from 21 tallies (including the tally tally):
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<p>Total TU: 721hrs
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<br>Average Trip: 8.3hrs
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<br>Highest TU: Nick with 96.5 hrs
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<p>Beer Tally: 681 beers in total, won by Duncan with 106 beers
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<br>Limo Tally: 369 limos in total, won by Anthony with 58 limos
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<p>There were 77 official smelly farts, although I suspect many were not
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recorded.
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<br>Paul was the Quote King and Animal was the Father of Farts.
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<p>And, since I don't like to waste a perfectly good tally, I'm forced to
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tell you that there were 0.286 baseball caps per piss-on-the-butty-box.
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<p>The Culprits:
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<p>Anthony 'Dour' Day,
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<br>Nick 'Bullfrog' Procter,
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<br>Duncan 'Drunk'un' Collis,
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<br>Mike 'The Animal' Richardson,
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<br>Julian 'Rhino' Haines,
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<br>Paul 'Sparky' Bilton,
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<br>Penny 'Jet Set' Reeves,
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<br>Dave 'Scout' Collins,
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<br>Dave 'T'other Dave' Johnson ,
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<br>James 'Cancer' Eckersley,
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<br>Kate 'Oral' Janossy,
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<br>Hugh 'Twitmobile' Adams,
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<br>'Ard Andy Atkinson,
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<br>Balázs 'Big Mug' Izapy,
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<br>Wookey,
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<br>Wadders,
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<br><i>THE TRAILER</i>,
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<br>and me.
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<p><a href="../../smkridge/161/l/bcunt.htm"><img alt="Photo - 8k jpeg, link
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to 59k jpeg" width=124 height=184 align=middle hspace=10
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src="../../smkridge/161/t/bcunt.jpg"></a>
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<a href="../../smkridge/161/l/shwall.htm"><img alt="Photo - 7k jpeg,
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link to 79k jpeg" width=178 height=123 align=middle hspace=10
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src="../../smkridge/161/t/shwall.jpg"></a><br>
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<table border=0 width=342>
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<tr><td width=139><i>Dave Scout in the Brownie's Cunt - the squeeze at the
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Zombie Slime end of the connection to Fudge Brownie and the rest of France,
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and the route via which Staudenwirt Palace, Triassic Park etc. were found.
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Kaninchenhöhle 1995.</i> [Photo: Andy Atkinson]</td><td
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width=10></td><td width=193><i>Steve Bellhouse in "Shortage of Walls",
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Kaninchenhöhle 1995.</i> [Photo: Andy Atkinson]</td></tr></table>
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<hr>
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<!-- LINKS -->
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<img alt=">" src="../../../icons/lists/0.gif">
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<a href="../../../jnl/1996/index.htm">Table of Contents</a>
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for Cambridge Underground 1996<br>
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<img alt=">" src="../../../icons/lists/0.gif">
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1995 Expedition info:<br>
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<img alt="--->" src="../../../icons/lists/1.gif">
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<a href="index.htm">Index</a> (more detail than in this list)<br>
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<img alt="--->" src="../../../icons/lists/1.gif">
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<a href="log.htm">Logbook</a><br>
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<img alt="--->" src="../../../icons/lists/1.gif">
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<a href="excsrp.htm">Preliminary report</a> (exCS newsletter)<br>
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<img alt="--->" src="../../../icons/lists/1.gif">
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<a href="bcracc.htm">BCRA Caves and Caving</a> Report<br>
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<img alt="--->" src="../../../icons/lists/1.gif">
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This year's <a href="sponsr.htm">Sponsors</a><br>
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<img alt="--->" src="../../../icons/lists/1.gif">
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<a href="exponl.htm">From Expo Novice to Expo Leader</a>:
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The tale of my Decline<br>
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<img alt=">" src="../../../icons/lists/0.gif">
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<a href="../../../jnl/1996/index.htm">Table of Contents</a>
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for Cambridge Underground 1996<br>
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<img alt=">" src="../../../icons/lists/0.gif">
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<a href="../../pubs.htm#1995">Published accounts</a><br>
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<img alt=">" src="../../../icons/lists/0.gif">
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<a href="../../index.htm">Back to Expedition intro page</a><br>
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<img alt=">" src="../../../icons/lists/0.gif">
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<A href="../../../index.htm">CUCC Home page</a>
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</body>
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</html>
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